Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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