She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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