haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
