My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
