I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
