Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
