Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
