Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
