youre lurking in front of me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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