i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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