this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
