i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
