why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
