i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
