Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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