Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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