After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
