my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I pour the whiskey from now on
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
