Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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