I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
