the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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