I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
