dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
