Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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