If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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