What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
