I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
