when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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