I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You did what with his pubic hair?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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