Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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