Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
