Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
