This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This toilet bowl is my home.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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