apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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