Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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