i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
