I think I won the penis lottery.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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