dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
