forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
