i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
