Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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