woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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