Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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