I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
