did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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