You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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