Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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