I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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