I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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