Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
