Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
