The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
