a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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